Nostalgia is a funny thing, isn’t it?
I do love to think of how the past influences my current stage of life. What we
can learn from our pasts and see how we grow into who we are. People, our
environment and what we choose all play a part in who we are. Childhood is a
time of soaking all that in. I’m not an expert on these things, but I can share
my thoughts based on what life has taught me.
Yesterday my family was watching a
Dolly Parton / Pentatonix / Miley Cyrus performance on The Voice. They were
singing Jolene and there was something about hearing Dolly singing that song,
making a percussion sound with her acrylic fingernails and the outfit she was
wearing instantly reminded me of a time in my life as a small child when I
played the little mascot in my grandparent’s game of life. Being anywhere with
my grandpa was my favorite place to be for many years.
The memory that came to mind was
where my grandparents would go to these gatherings my they would take me with
them. I had to have been pretty young because the memories are very broken up.
I can remember my grandpa letting me taste his O’Doul’s. Flashes of me
surrounded by a lot of adults. I remember no children being there other than
myself, although there probably was others. I remember music and it seems like
someone was playing music, like maybe there was a band involved. But in someone’s
home, not like at a public venue. I think there was drinking going on but no
one acted drunk and foolish. My Granny called her friend Pat “P.P.” and to me
it sounded funny but I did not want to laugh because it seemed inappropriate to
laugh at that and inappropriate for Granny to call her that, which was probably
the whole point. Granny certainly laughed about it. It seems like the
gatherings happened often but maybe it only happened a few times that I was present
for.
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| Me on the far left of the picture, clinging to Grandpa. Then there's Granny, Pat and Jim, then Betty and Dick on the other end. |
It almost bothers me how little I
can remember. It gives me compassion for the elderly who can no longer recall
details about their past. In my case it’s that a I hadn’t fully developed the
long term memory part of my brain but to me it feels like a lost time. All that
time I spent with 2 of the people I loved the most in this world, that I can no
longer see or spend time with is just hanging in space. I can try to grasp it
but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t. Instead, the same rotation of
visual images makes their way through my brain like a View-master Reel (If you
are too young to know what that is, or too old to remember, you can see it here
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/View-Master).
It’s ironic how I could have heard
so many stories about the past from my grandparent’s when I was too young to
appreciate it and now that I’m older, I would love to ask Granny to fill in those
blanks in my mind with stories about those parties they used to take me to.
Granny died a few years ago and Grandpa died when I was 14. It is strange to
even add up, that I have lived more years without my grandpa than I had with
him because the effect he had on my life was so vast that it feels like just
last week he was teaching me the best way to gut a fish. I almost can’t believe
that it has been more than 20 years since I last helped granny wrap individual
bite-size pieces of fresh home-made caramel to be boxed up with all the other
holiday goodies we spent days preparing, to be shipped out or dropped off to
loved ones. So much of my life, as I live it now, is lived by how I remember
them. I scramble my eggs and spread mayo on my sandwich the way Grandpa did
(because that was the best way). I hand wash dishes the way Granny showed me
to. One time, recently, I was brushing my teeth and when I spit into the sink a
little bit got on the faucet and I instantly remembered Granny showing me how
to clean that off when it happened so that the bathroom stayed clean. I wish I
had held on to more of Granny’s cleaning habits, but Grandpa’s genes are strong
in that area.
I’ve blogged before and I’d like to
take a little bit of time to blog again and share these little things that I
feel really matter in life. The things that make us who we are and the things
that make us different and unique. Positivity and maybe the occasional pull at
your heartstrings, with a touch of humor in the mix too. I promise not to use
this forum as a place to rant. Politics are off the table but religion is not.
Follow along if you so desire.
